People that still have John Kerry stickers on the back of their cars really bother me. Now bear with me here, this isn’t some political rant, it’s just common sense. Let me outline for you why it is that if you have a Kerry sticker on the back of your car, every single sane-thinking person on the road will immediately dislike you.

1: The people who voted for Bush and still support Bush straight up hate you. Granted, that’s not a whole lot of people anymore, but they still straight up hate you.

2. The people who voted for Bush but are now freaked out and no longer support Bush will hate you because they see you as a pious prick who glories over them.

3. The undecided voter will think you are an angry person who holds a grudge too long. Nobody wants to join a party that they see as full of bitter old biddies.

4. The hard line Democrat doesn’t like you because they’ll wonder why you haven’t gotten your head out of your ass long enough to scrape off that Kerry/Edwards sticker, start thinking about the future, and slap on an Obama ’08.

5. People who don’t care one way or the other about politics will just think you’re straight up lazy, or that you somehow didn’t get the memo.

6. Every other person with a Kerry bumper sticker will be pissed because you're stealing their righteous thunder.

So you see? How can you possibly win with a Kerry Sticker on the back of your car? What is going through your mind when you walk out to your Subaru and see that Kerry sticker? Are you proud? Are you proud that you still have that sticker on your car? Do you feel some sense of accomplishment because you haven’t done anything about it for going on three years now? Does that make you happy? Do you see it as a centerpiece, surrounded by Dog Is My Co-pilot, My Yorkshire Terrier Is Smarter Than Your Honor Student, and PRINCESS! bumper stickers? Do you like the way your little Darwin fish faces it?

People like you are a disservice to every political persuasion. Stop it. Right now. Go out into your garage, get a razor, and fix it. If you absolutely have to come across as a snob, you can put one of those If You Aren’t Outraged, You Aren’t Paying Attention! bumper stickers on your car. Everyone will still hate you for telling them what they should be thinking, you jackass, but at least you’re living in the now, man.

The other day I even saw a Gore/Lieberman sticker. Now that’s just insane. Just let it go. I know for an absolute fact that I do not want to meet the person driving that car. Neither should you.