Friday, September 01, 2006

Hey everyone! No, I am not dead! Although my soul feels like it is dead, because I am searching for a job right now. Searching for a job is right up there on par with a double procedure root canal/colonoscopy in terms of level of comfort. Its a whole lot less cleansing too.

The thing to remember when looking for a job is this: Nobody cares about you. And why should they? They’ve got their own problems. They have a job. As a matter of fact, talking to me is keeping them from doing their job. Having to take time out of their day to talk to some punk who just got back from dicking around overseas for a year and garnering absolutely no marketable skills while doing so, well that annoys them. It might even piss them right off. I hear it in their voices when I ask to meet them over the phone. I see it in their eyes whenever I do manage to get a meeting.

It’s a certain look that they all have when they meet me. It’s a look that says: Who the hell are you, Japan Boy, to take up my time? I’m only doing this as a favor to my boss, whom you managed to weasel yourself into favor with somehow. Look how good looking you are in your fancy-pants suit. You might even take my job away from me you’re so good looking. That’s it, now I hate you. At first you just annoyed me, but now I hate you.


And then there’s the whole Internet Job Search scene, the monster.com stuff, and the craigslist.com stuff, what a waste of time that is, am I right? If I went outside, blindfolded, on a random night in suburban Denver and started swinging a bat, I would have a better chance of hitting a porn-filled piñata than I would of catching a lead with these internet sites. They don’t even look at your resume; they just feed it through some keyword search program. Sometimes this technology generation shit really sucks.


Did you know you aren’t supposed to cross your legs during an interview? I bet you didn’t, but I did. Do you know why? Because I’ve read Knock ‘em Dead Interviewing. And boy would that little tidbit come in handy IF I EVER GOT A FUCKING INTERVIEW. Oh, I know all the tricky questions and the best ways to answer them; I got it all down pat except for the whole “getting an interview” thing. That, I need to work on.

But I tell you what: one year of no marketable skills looks a hell of a lot better than three years of no marketable skills. That’s right, Toyama. I’m talking to you. You remember what home looks like? Do you remember your families? Probably not. Soon you’re going to forget your last names, and then your nationalities. And stop drinking so goddamn much. Hippies.

I miss you all.

6 Comments:

At 6:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://www.californiaclownschool.com
Honestly its a good option for you.
You can never be too good looking to be a clown. x

 
At 8:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

We miss you too, buddy. Be sure to let us know when some poor sap breaks down and decides to hire you. Be sure to practice that HR grin in the mirror until you have it down perfectly! ;)

Bunny

(PS this piece o' poo new system won't let people who have merged their accounts with google--like me--comment on "non-merged" accounts while signed in. It's blogger discrimination!)

 
At 4:07 PM, Blogger Laura said...

did you know that being over here is actually EXPERIENCE if you want to teach!? Mwaahahaha. Anyways, you can always substitute teach at a high school for cash if you are getting desperate.

I've done it, and its not so bad.

 
At 10:56 PM, Blogger Winesoaked Buddha said...

www.goarmy.com

 
At 2:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

thanks for the comic relief in this godawful time. knock 'em dead is a true gem. glad you made it back safely!

amber

 
At 8:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

... wow, Brad. You actually made me feel homesick. And you made me go all misty-eyed. We miss you too! It's just not the same without you!

- Pinky

 

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