I’m really reaching for lessons here in the home stretch. For the past four days I’ve been teaching my kids how to play poker, that’s how bad it is. It’s really hard to make a lesson out of Poker that these kids would follow. At first I thought about adding and subtracting the numbers on the cards for some sort of Numbers Lesson, but that would never hold their attention. Then I thought about making it a lesson on Royal Vocabulary, and even tried it out in one class, but the dialogue went something like this:

Me: “See this K? What’s that stand for?”
Class: “King!”
Me: Great! And see this Q? What’s that stand for?”
Class: “Queen!”
Me: “Great! See? Royal Vocabulary! It’s like a court! And next we have a J! What’s a J?”
Class: …
Me: It’s a Jack!
JTE Co-Teacher: “What’s a Jack?”
Me: Well…It’s, uhm…It’s like a man. A royal man!”
JTE: “A king?”
Me: “No, not quite. Just….(cough)….And look at this! It’s a Joker!”

I decided to forego stressing the Royal Vocabulary part of the lesson after that, and start calling it what it is. This is the worksheet I made up to that effect:

It went as well as could be expected. I only had one of my decks stolen right out from under my nose, so yeah, I’m not quite sure whether to be pissed or happy about that. And for fifteen year old Japanese kids who can’t spell their names without help, I saw a surprising number of Flushes, Straights, and Full Houses, so that was interesting as well. I now have at least two classes of kids yammering to play poker, though. One kid was even yelling for it non-stop until I told him to shut up. Even so, I hope that Burness, my successor, somehow works card strategy into the final exam. Hell, it might actually serve some of these kids better than English will.


In other news, today was my turn to make a speech to the general assembly of students and teachers. The burden rotates amongst all of the teachers throughout the year, and today was me.

This is the speech I made up, roughly translated:

Not so long ago, I was in High School myself. My school was large, around 3000 kids. there were “cool” groups, and “nerdy” groups, and there were groups of “smart kids” that hung out together, and groups of troublemakers that hung out together. In some ways, every High School is the same.

In every school there are popular kids, and there are quiet kids. There are kids that are active in clubs, and kids that prefer not to take part in clubs. Each student is unique. But in many ways, you are all the same. Each one of you is just trying to get by and grow up. I hope you realize that all of you are going through these teenage years at the same time, with many of the same triumphs, and many of the same defeats.

The key to having a good time in High School is to be what I call a “Social Chameleon.” A chameleon is a lizard that can blend in well with anything. Be like a Chameleon, adapt well to different groups. To do this, you have to be accepting of all of them. If you can do this, then one day, at the end of High School, you will look around yourself and see that you are surrounded by friends, and that all of them respect you. Then you are a success.

High School should be a time to focus and learn, but don’t take it too seriously. Stop to enjoy everything, because it will be over before you know it.

I wanted to say:

Can’t you all just take it easy, man? I mean for Chrissakes, just take it easy!

But that was well under my suggested four minute timeframe.


My speech was inspired by the disturbing and subversive trend of exclusivity I’ve seen at times in this country. You pick a group and stick with it for life out here. You are defined by it. A salaryman is a salaryman for life. A Badboy Pimp is a Badboy Pimp until he’s either dead or has to be committed because his gonorrhea has driven him crazy and he can no longer make cognisant pimping decisions. Your group defines you, you are part of it and no other. Exclusion from that group is akin to a type of death. I just read this article about this poor Japanese fella that got kidnapped in Iraq and, thankfully, was recently returned unharmed. Now, don’t get me wrong, the guy was an idiot to be traipsing around Iraq, but can you imagine the homecoming he would have gotten in the US after returning home alive?!? There would be tears of joy and the PBR would flow like water, which it basically is.

Not in Japan. In Japan the guy was ostracized. Kicked out of his community for getting kidnapped in the first place. It was viewed as a shameful thing. One of my JTE’s pointed at the article and shook her head.

“That’s terrifying,” she said, “that we do that here.”

At the same time, the Japanese now officially are the world’s oldest population. 21% of the country are now over 65 years old. 21%!!! The exclusivity of this country and its declining birthrate are connected. If the Japanese were more accepting of other people in general, there’d be a lot more fuzzy-bumpin’ going on, and a lot more chitlins poppin’ out. If you know what I mean.

Here’s a recent headline that says it all:


Wait a minute. How’d that pen get in there?


I'd like to leave you with a little slice of life experience I just had with my 1E class, the brightest class that I teach.

Every day I ask three questions: The Day, The Date, and the Weather. Today was no different.

"What day is it?"
"FRIDAY!" one of them yells out.

"And what is the date?"
"JULY 7th!" another says.

"And how about the weather today?" I ask, pointing out to the skies.
A particularly smart rogue by the name of Yutaro looks up at me:

"IT'S RAINING TAEPODONG MISSLES!" he yells, and then bursts out laughing.

An interesting generation of kids, no?