Japanese kids are either always at school, or they never change out of their uniforms. Let me explain:

Last weekend I didn't come home. Well, that's not entirely true, I came home for some whisky and a cigar, but then I left again. I hadn't planned it that way, everything just panned out that way.

You see, last friday was the "wild and crazy" Jet Halloween party. And you know what? It was pretty damn wild and crazy, and I liked the music. You gotta love any party where afterwards a grown man dressed up as a bumblebee is barfing into a bag in the isle of a night train home at 2am. In fact, I would go so far as to say that the train rides to and from the event were the best part.

On the ride up: Japanese Businessman, Sleeping Japanese Businessman, Witch, Drunk Japanese Businessman, Sleeping Japanese Businessman, Slutty Devil, Sleeping Japanese Businessman, etc. etc. etc. Five hundred Japanese schoolchildren in uniform at 8pm.

On the ride back, at 2am, there were no schoolchildren, thank heaven. This was the scene: Drunk Japanese Businessman, Sleeping Japanese Businessman, Drunk Witch, Drunk Japanese Businessman, Drunk Japanese Businessman, Drunk Slutty Devil, Sleeping Japanese Businessman, Barfing Bumblebee, etc. etc.

My costume? Well, I tore a page right out of the playbook of a good college buddy of mine by the name of John Hamel (who, coincidentally, is also living in Asia right now, sandwitched between two regimes of commies; North Korea and China) and dressed myself up as a present with a note on it that read "TO: WOMEN, FROM: GOD." I think you can get the joke. Kudos to John for that one, it was undoubtedly a hit. The only problem was putting the unwieldy box on myself whilst on the train. I had to put my beer down and move to the side, out of the way, and lift the thing over my head. One major drawback of this costume, however, is the fact that while wearing it you cannot bend your knees. John might have told me that, but whatever. So, after I got this huge box over me, I couldn't even bend over to pick up my beer again. I had to bother a frightened/amused Japanese businessman and ask him to pick my beer up for me. He did it, though. Kudos to him for that one.

Anyway, the party was fun, I got home very late and crashed at Geoff and Robin's place, and woke up at 12:15 on their cot. After a delightful breakfast (Kudos to Geoff for that one) I suggested bowling. Goeff agreed and we went to get beer and bowl, because Lord knows you cannot bowl without drinking. Anyway, we start drinking and bowling and I look around and lo and behold there are at least twenty Japanese schoolchildren bowling in full school uniforms. WTF? It's Saturday, its 3pm. Let it go, right?

We get to drinking and bowling, and we decide to just coast right in to the night. I suggest whisky and cigars, and so Geoff and I head back to my place. On the way back, at 8pm, lo and behold we run into seven of my students, in full uniform, walking back from school. Now, I was unsettled by this. These are kids from my school. What are they doing in uniform at 8 on a Saturday night? No wonder these kids lead boring lives. I felt sorry for them, but then I had a cigar and some scotch and I felt ok. We ended up back in the city, and I fell asleep on the cot again after arguing vehemently with Geoff over God and politics until 7am. Naturally.

So the next day I got up at noon again and I had a delicious breakfast (kudos to Geoff for that one) and I asked Robin if maybe I should go home, I dunno, take a shower or something. She says that her Halloween party is in less than five hours, and I would have to be back anyway. What should Geoff and I do to kill time while she sets up? Why, go bowling, of course. So we go get some beers and end up back at the alley. Lo and behold there are another twenty fricking kids bowling in full school uniforms! Now, this is just rediculous. Things have gotten out of hand. Its a Sunday afternoon and these kids are still in their school uniforms. They are wearing the same thing. Granted, so was I, but at least it wasn't a school uniform.

When all was said and done I got home at 10pm on Sunday night for the first real time. I probably saw kids in uniform on the train ride home, but I was a little tired by then and I wasn't paying attention. It's a good thing too, because if I had actually seen one while paying attention my mind probably would have blown wide open right there on the 9:46 Eastern Bound Tonami Line train.