The other day, in an effort to garner more ideas about lesson plans, or maybe just in an effort to get out of any real work on a Friday, my principal took our English department to what amounted to an "open-house" at another Japanese High School in which ALT's are employed. Apparently, there are three schools randomly situated about the prefecture that are dubbed "SELHi's" "SELHi", hilariously enough, stands for "Super English Language High Schools." Honest to God. What a super name right? It makes me feel super knowing that super students have a place to go, that's just super. Anyway, the school we visited was one of these super schools.

Now, I'm not sure what my supervisors expected me to garner from watching the lessons at this fairy-tale land of a school, because what went on in those lessons was not what happens in any other high-school anywhere, to my knowledge, ever.

I don't know what they feed those kids, but whatever it is has made them obedient, brilliant, and quiet. Maybe its a horse tranq or something, like what they give purebreds. One word from the teacher and the students immediately gathered in neat little groups of four, evenly spaced about the room, each promptly took out their textbook and opened it to the correct page, then each took out their little electronic dictionary and propped it open on their desk, eager little Japanese faces (and one Australian exchange student) attentivley watching the ALT and his co-teacher.

Now, see, at my school we don't have textbooks, but I'm sure that if we did, it would take more than one word to get the kids to wake up, much less open their backpacks, much less take out their textbooks, much less open the textbook up, much less open the textbook to the correct page, much less pay attention to said open page in said open textbook, all without someone falling back asleep, turning to look out the window, or going back to doing their makeup.

Also, an exchange student? One with native english speaking ability? That just is not done at Koho High School, where I work. I asked my supervisor if Koho had ever had an exchange student before. He said we have a brazilian guy, but he speaks Japanese, and is in fact a Japanese citizen. So much for that.

So, after this little display of talent, I moved on to another showcase classroom, and as soon as I walk in the door I hear, in perfect english, a rehearsed dialogue being performed by five Japanese students...on Keynesian Economic Theory. Now, after the 15 year olds finished their powerpoint dissertation on Keynesian Theory, I, the degreed 23 year old, ran away to google it before anybody asked me my opinion. For those of you in the dark, here is what I found:

"In essence Keynes argued that markets would not automatically lead to full-employment equilibriumBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHHOLYGODWHATABORINGARTICLE.

And there you have it. Shortly after this another group got up to deliver a powerpoint presentation on article nine of their consititution, another for the merits of capitalism vs. socialism, and still another with a presentation on a mono-racial society. After each a group of kids desegnated as "the press core" would stand up and pretend to be from a major newspaper, and ask follow up questions. It all made me a little ill.

In contrast to that, I would like to give you a snippet of dialogue about the types of presentations that my class might give:

Me: Ok Tanaka, lets do your self introduction.
Tanaka: ...
Me: Tanaka, put down the cell phone, its time for a self introduction.
Tanaka: ... hellomynameisTanaka. PleasecallmeTanaka.
Me: Great! That's Great! Now, how old are you?
Tanaka: ...
Me: How old are you, Tanaka?
Tanaka: ... I am... jyurokusai.
Me: In English, please, Tanaka.
Tanka: ...
Me: 16.
Tanaka: 16.
Me: ...years old.
Tanaka: ...years old.
Me: Wonderful! Here is a sticker of a little bear holding an ice cream cone. Great Job!

Now, this is honestly the type of stuff that I do, and you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way. Watching those wunderkids made me nervous. I don't like being trumped by my own students. Also, when one of the little SELhi girls burst into tears while we were all watching her give a speech, i realized that attaining that level of English proficiency at 15 takes a lot of sacrifices and a lot of relentless, driving work and stress. A hell of a lot of stress. Give me Koho High School, with its broken doors and its smelly patches of hallway, it's creaky, taped up chairs, and it's forty-year old desks anyday of the week.