In my continuing bid to become the next great Danielle Steele, I have applied to ten different M.F.A. programs across the United States for enrollment in the fall 2006 semester. The problem is, these programs are notoriously difficult to get into, and wouldn't you know it, today I got my first rejection letter. It was in email form, from the University of Mississippi. It read as follows:
To Bradley Griffith:
Thank you for your application to our M.F.A. program in creative writing. We realize what a great deal of work went into these applications, and we’re sorry that we’re not able to offer you a spot at this time. As we mention in our program description, we’re a small group, and we just can’t admit that many people. In other words, this notice may be more a reflection of our needs than your writing. In any event, we wish you the best of luck with your work.
Sincerely,
David Galef
M.F.A. Program Administrator
The University of Mississippi
Now, in the parlance of our times, it's just too damn easy for everyone to reply to everyone. Also, I am bored at work. Thusly, I sent him back the following message:
Dear David,
Well that's just great. Do you have any idea how much it's going to cost me to get "OLE MISS" lasered off my knuckles?
Sincerely,
Brad
Hopefully David can take a joke. You know how these writer types can be...
Update:
It would appear he can. I got this reply in my inbox this morning:
And acid leaves such ugly marks.... Seriously: sorry to be saying "no," but we're small and simply can't accept that many people.
--DG
That's funny. Maybe he'll remember this little exchange when I'm filthy rich and getting press for gifting the "Brad Griffith M.F.A. Tower" to whatever school I do end up going to...
posted by Brad @ 3:22 PM
12 comments
12 Comments:
They're fucked in the head. You don't wanna go to Mississippi anyway...believe me, the majority of my family is from Mississippi :P
I'll keep my fingers crossed for ya.
tvnnjtp
You know, I didn't get that at first. Being a crazy non-American I thought you were being Spanish with the 'Ole'.
Kudos for the replt though; they don't know what they've passed up.
oh no, I actually typed in the posting code...
...a little drunk
B,
Im pretty sure they'll reconsider you with that response. ;)
Love you,
Em xoxo
Brad,
come over to the dark side and write advertising. i feel a lot better now that i've sold my soul to mcdonald's. you might even say, i'm lovin it. someone has to trick children into buying poison. remember, evil will always triumph over good because good is dumb.
rubes
bummer. welp, lets drink.
by the way this is max...
Come see the light; University of Washington has a beautiful program that is just as pretentious as any other program out there. You won't feel out of place at all.
- C
I don't understand the "OLE MISS" joke - I'm sure it's a classic though, knowing you Brad...
U R A boring stupid idiot. And not funny. If you really want to go to Mississippi so bad I could just flood a local dump with raw sewage, rally up some toothless racists to swim around in the shit, reinstate the concept of an "outhouse" (which would be redundant because you're going to be floating in shit) and then you can sit in a shitty, leaky canoe and creatively write.
Sincerely,
Sean McDonough
P.S. I used "shit", or some form of "shit" three times in the above message. Enjoy.
Brad, this is chris...your cusin :) I couldnt find anyplace to write a regular comment so i just wrote it in here. I read your blog alot, its my way of getting a good laugh. Remember that trick we saw on the First Descent trailer? i totaly pulled it off last time i was at the mountains. Oh, and i also broke my arm by trying to rail grind... Hope your doing well
-Chris
Don't worry, Brad. You'll be a Danielle Steel yet. At the very least, you can pose for one of her covers.
Ok, that was lie.
At the very least, you can sell her books at B&N.
That's more like it. Sorry dude. :)
Brad, that is the funniest thing I have read in ages!! Hahahaahhaa!
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