I just taught my worst class of the week, and man was it bad.

If you want a textbook example of a lost cause, take a stroll down the first hall of the main building in Koho, and step on in to classroom 2B. The class can be broken down like so: kids that are either mute, or simply will not talk, no matter what--(30%), kids that are retarded in some form--(25%), kids that are pure, unadulterated, troublemaking jackasses--(20%), kids that are actually decent folk, and teachable, but will never learn as a result of the other 75%--(25%).

A word about the Jackass 20%:

Collectively, my co-teacher and I yelled at these five kids a total of 8 times in the span of 40 minutes. What is the issue here? Is there a brain synapse missing with you little shits? I really want to give these kids the benefit of the doubt, i really do, but I think they should all just cut their losses and go straight to the tanning factories and chum-bucket companies of industrial Japan right now, it would save everyone a whole lot of trouble.

Today's lesson was very simple: I showed them a set of English street and store signs, together we translated and explained them, then I asked them to create their own sign (absolutely anything would do) and explain it using the keywords what and why. Simple, right? But noooooooooooo, I felt like I was Alex Trebeck on a Saturday Night Live sketch of Celebrity Jeopardy: Literally any answer would be correct, but no one even gives a single answer.

The five worthless kids don't even bother to write, so I walk up to one of them and ask

"DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

He looks at me like a labotamized goat. I motion for my co-teacher to come over.

"Could you ask him if he understands the lesson?" I ask.
"Do you understand the lesson?" She asks him in Japanese.
He shakes his head smugly, "I don't understand foreigners," he says, in Japanese.

You don't say! Well Holy Hell! Tanaka doesn't understand foreigners! My God! Someone call this kids parents! How could this be???

Apparently, little Tanaka still hasn't realized that "Understanding Foreigners" is the whole point of the Goddam class! Does he think I stand up there spouting off nonsense about question words and verbs and nouns and prepositions for my health?

No, of course not. He doesn't know. He doesn't even care and he never will. He'll just sit and talk to his two friends (one of whom is convinced he's going to be a comic artist, and instead of listening just draws comics all day, so while he may be able to perfectly shade an anime girl's ass, he still can't even introduce himself in English). I've repeatedly asked that they be seperated, but was told, and I quote:

"There are so many troubled students in that class. I don't think it is good to move them."

I tried to think about how that statement could make even one iota of sense, and gave up only when my head threatened to explode.

Incidentally, many of the kids that did the lesson did it quite well, and often with hilarious results. Two of my favorite signs read as follows:

CAUTION: MONKEY.

and

DANGER: FAT MAN.