I've had my first Japanese enkai experience and it pretty much turned out how I expected it to, that is, rather drunken and fairly sloppy.

Every year the teachers at Koho High School throw a party called bon enkai, which literally means "party to forget." Now, what exactly this refers to was the subject of many increasingly drunken jokes throughout the night by various teachers. At first it was "a party to forget this year and look forward to the next," then it was "a party to forget about work and relax," then it was "a party to help us forget about those damn students," then, inevitably, it was, "a party that i will totally forget."

It started with the traditional toast, I couldn't understand any of it, but I went along nonetheless. Following that about 10 different teachers and co-workers started working the room, never allowing a glass to be even 1/4 empty. I would knock back several sips of beer in a toast to one person just as another came up to me and offered to fill me up again, and toast again. Needless to say I was completely out of the park in about 10 minutes. I was volunteered to play this game where i picked up as many beans as I could with chopsticks in the span of three minutes. I got eleven. Eleven. That is less than four beans per minute. My principle got 43. I also sang a rather in-your-face version of Hotel California in front of God and everybody; my screaming talent stunned many a meek teacher. I would go so far as to say that most of them were not ready for my wicked use of the microphone as an air guitar during Felder and Walsh's infamous rif. One person, however, totally dug it: My Principle. He came up to me afterward and said,

"Brad-Sensei, you are not only a teacher, you are also an artist."

Bitchin.

At the end of part 1 of the party (thats right, part 1) the vice principle stood up and announced that everyone was going to do a bonsai chant for Koho High. Apparently the meaning of bonsai is not soley restricted to "I'm gonna slam my Zero into the side of your boat," it can also mean "cheers." Go figure.

Anyway, after this I proceeded on with a steadily dwindling crew of teachers to three other party locations. We sang, we ate, we drank, and at 1am we said goodbye. I ended up at Obata's place, playing the harmonica while he played the guitar along to the Nirvana Unplugged album at 2am in his den. The entire time I was emphatically saying "Nirvana is soooo awesome!"

I slept on his floor and I went to work the next day in the same clothes. People noticed and snickered. I snickered right back at them. My head was pounding and I kept thinking that while Nirvana is good, they aren't really that awesome. I almost lost it in my noodle bowl lunch, Obata felt the same. In fact, many people were late that morning. Thank God it was only a half day. You see, we had midterms this week and it screwed up the entire work schedule. We sacrificed half of a day on Thursday for half of a day on Saturday, which, crippling hangover aside, is about the stupidest trade I've ever heard of, since Saturday morning is worth at least two full weekdays.

On Friday night I went bowling with about seven other of my co-workers. As soon as we arrived at the alley I went to grab a beer, reasoning that a.) it was Friday night, and b.) I was bowling. This came as a surprise to every single one of my co-workers, who laughed at my Shenanigans and said, "You're so funny, crazy boy."

I tried to explain to them that in the USA, whenever you bowl you have a few beers. Bowling without drinking is just not done. "Never?" One asked. "Well, perhaps in certain Amish communities, but in general, not that I've ever heard of," I replied.

They ordered a round of sodas. I was about to say "Sodas? Why don't we just put the bumpers down now, Sally," but it's a good thing I didn't because I was the absolute worst bowler in the bunch. I had the worst score that first game.

I decided I needed to do two things:

a.) get one more beer, and
b.) step up my damn game.

Sadly, I did only one of these two things. I'll leave it to you to decide which.